For Those Who Like Their Patch Notes a Bit Sassy

I admit it. I was overtired. And kind of silly. So when one of my partners-in-crime over at TORWars.com tweeted the patch notes for the Star Wars: The Old Republic Update 1.5 on the public test server, something just hit me funny. I started tweeting back ‘revisionist’ versions that were quite sassy. He laughed. I laughed. We had fun, and I ended up turning it into a TORWars.com article.

These patch notes are not meant to be catty.

Here are some of the ‘updated’ patch notes. BioWare’s version is in bold, mine follows.

  • Dread Guard relics are now available on the Daily vendor for 300 Daily Commendations.

–”Merely Semi-Scary” Guard relics are available for half off.

 

  • A new set of droid armor is now available from the Daily vendor.

–Monthly and Yearly vendors are still standing around doing nothing.

 

  • More robes have been adjusted so that their backsides are not inappropriately large when worn.

–BioWare has also removed the neon flashing arrows that were pointed at all Force users’ butts.

 

  • Several typos and instances of incorrect text have been corrected in all languages.

–Except, of course, if it’s in Gree. Hall Hood was on vacation, and so that text is still somewhat aureate aspherically convex.

 

  • The Imperial Medcenter in the vicinity of the wreck of the Ambria’s Fury has been moved Northeast.

–All other cardinal compass points were already reserved for cantinas.

 

  • HK-51 currently joins players without gear.

–And if you look anywhere in the vicinity of ‘that’ region, he will blast you, Meatbag.

 

Enjoy the article!

Image source: icanhascheezburger.com

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