Preparing for Hospital stays, Geek Style, Part 2

PikachuImage via Wikipedia

One of the things Geeky Moms do is make lots of lists. This is because we have many things on our minds, such as making sure the kids get to school on time, remembering to feed the cat and dog, cruising the forums to make sure there are no spambots there, looking around to see where we put the car keys, checking the severe weather threat on the Storm Prediction Center, reading email, making sure the hamburger has been pulled out of the freezer for dinner, Skyping/IMing, Twittering, gaming, and making sure we’ve drawn a Magikarp on our daughter’s lunch bag that day.

I’d draw a Pikachu, but I’m artistically impaired.

In addition to making a list of things to do prior to surgery in the supreme effort to put off serious housecleaning to the very last minute, it is Important to have a list of ‘Things To Bring To The Hospital’. If I don’t have this list, I will undoubtedly discover I’m missing something at 2 am the night after my surgery. My Loving Hubby sleeps like a log and won’t wake up for a call at 2:02 am, nor will he be inclined to crawl out of bed and drive an hour to the hospital to bring it to me at O-God-Hundred.

In addition to things like a Real Bathrobe (to cover my amble tushy while I’m stuck wearing the half-toga), toiletries, underwear without holes, regular medications, and my own toothpaste, I have determined that I also need the following Geek items.

1. My cell phone. Yes, yes, they tell you to turn them off in the hospital, with the implication that leaving it on could fry the brainwaves of patients in ICU or something.

The real reason they tell you to turn it off:

NO ONE WANTS TO BE STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR LISTENING TO SOMEONE TELL AUNT MAMIE HOW BIG UNCLE FRED’S BUTT CYST WAS WHILE SOMEONE ELSE TELLS PIZZA HUT THEY WANT PEPPERONI AND CHEESE IN THE CRUST.

Sheesh.

Hospital personnel have to draw the line somewhere, for heaven’s sake. If you think I’m kidding, I’m not. I actually had a patient take a call while I was doing their eye exam and talk to the other person about pizza toppings. It’s people like that who ruin it for us Geeks who know how not to talk at the top of our lungs in the hospital hallway at 2 am about mindless crap like what color we’re going to paint our fingernails tomorrow. Anyway, I don’t plan on talking much, I just want internet access in case Skylight does not play nice with Lucasforums, Lotus Fleet, and the Storm Prediction Center. It’s Important for me to Know if a tornado is coming my way, after all. That fact that I would reach at most the cruising speed on my crutches/Jar-Jar Binks decorated walker of a paraplegic snail in order to escape the tornado does not daunt me in the least.

2. Cell phone recharger. There’s no way the phone will stay on for 3 days, not if I’m using the shoutbox on Lotus Fleet to harass Trusty Friends N’Eligahn, Mishy, Calderwood, Kheren, Jureth, Battle Lion, evshell18, jovani, Caltern, and assorted other Lotus Fleet Unique Personalities. The admirals are aware that I’ll be in the hospital and on Good Drugs. This gives me the excuse to say something that will make at least a couple of them give an eye-popping “OMG!!!!!!!” and yet be truly entertaining to the rest of forumites. Of course, they still reserve the right to ban me at any time, which would be a first for me. I may rethink this strategy at some point.

3. DSiXL and Pokemon games. I’m not kidding when I said Pokemon is gaming crack. Yes, I know the hospital website says ‘don’t bring video games’. I’m going to cheerfully ignore that. Pokemon withdrawal would make me bat-crazy.

4. DSiXL recharger, because I plan on playing a LOT of Pokemon. Yes, I know Skylight has games, but if they have anything besides Solitaire and Chess, I’ll be stunned.

5. Individual packets of Cameron’s decaf chocolate caramel brownie coffee, Splenda, and individual packets of fat-free hazelnut creamer. I cannot go without my coffee, and while hospitals are good at medical care, they are not Starbucks.

6. A coffee maker and filters. Hey, the hospital website doesn’t say I can’t bring my little 4-cup coffee maker.

7. Bags of tea in case the hospital staff tells Loving Hubby to take the coffee maker home because it’s not Officially Sanctioned By The Bioengineering Staff.

8. Several books in case they make Loving Hubby take my DSi home.

9. Tasmanian Devil coffee mug.

If I can have my coffee, my internet, a little chocolate, a little pizza, and some books, I can survive anything.

Addendum: You know, I think Zenmata is really a cool kind of thing, until I see their ‘suggested articles’, including these, RIGHT BEFORE MY SURGERY. Geez, now I have to worry about the possibility of some crazed bovine wandering into my hospital room.

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