Lord of the Rings Online Expansion is Here!

Or Not, despite my having done the tremendously geeky thing of actually downloading the allegedly updated client a few days ago. It’s currently examining 15,000+ files right now to make sure that I, the player, have the Complete Experience of the tiny little acorns in some tree out in the middle of some BFE instance that gets visited maybe every 8 months by someone mapping the territory for the Insane Mapper deed.

Seriously, I’m glad that Turbine has made the commitment to making the game look good an play fun. I picked up Guild Wars last year, and Trusty Friend Bob Lion finally convinced me to pick up LotRO as an alternative, mainly because he wants more Trusty Friends to come play with him. We’re on the Silverlode server, although I also have a character on the Brandywine server because I also want to be able to play with my Trusty Friends from The Lost Haven, which is the guild I play with in Guild Wars.

Ooo–4% of those 15k have made it to my laptop now….

So what am I doing while waiting for this expansion to really hit my desktop? Skyping with Trusty Friends and reading Lucasforums, of course. Bob and I are waiting for my game to update so we can start new characters, so in the meantime we’re chatting. It’s going something like this:
[11/17/2008 11:07:10 PM] Bob Lion54 says: AHOY!
[11/17/2008 11:07:13 PM] Bob Lion54 says: AHOY!
[11/17/2008 11:07:15 PM] Bob Lion54 says: AHOY!
[11/17/2008 11:07:22 PM] Bob Lion54 says: MORIA!
[11/17/2008 11:07:47 PM] Jae Onasi says: Is it up?
[11/17/2008 11:08:08 PM] Bob Lion54 says: The servers are being brought up right now.
[11/17/2008 11:11:50 PM] Jae Onasi says: cool
[11/17/2008 11:12:16 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Are you updated?
[11/17/2008 11:17:25 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Silverloade is UP!
[11/17/2008 11:19:16 PM] Jae Onasi says: Sweet! I’m getting on
[11/17/2008 11:19:35 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Good luck.
[11/17/2008 11:20:02 PM] Bob Lion54 says: It’s erroring out because of all the people trying to get on. lol
[11/17/2008 11:20:31 PM] Jae Onasi says: Mine’s decrypting or something like that
[11/17/2008 11:20:39 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Oh damn.
[11/17/2008 11:20:42 PM] Jae Onasi says: and I updated.
[11/17/2008 11:20:58 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Yea, it has to actually patch the game now.
[11/17/2008 11:21:14 PM] Jae Onasi says: I guess it didn’t like what I d/l’d and installed yesterday or the day before
[11/17/2008 11:22:15 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Blast, I can’t get in.
[11/17/2008 11:22:28 PM] Jae Onasi says: Bob!!what class should I make now–warden or runekeeper?
[11/17/2008 11:22:37 PM] Jae Onasi says: It’s still updating mine
[11/17/2008 11:22:42 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Whichever you want.
[11/17/2008 11:23:01 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Or both!
[11/17/2008 11:23:33 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Make a Man Warden and do the starter instance with me.
[11/17/2008 11:23:38 PM] Jae Onasi says: Both!! Yes!!
[11/17/2008 11:23:52 PM] Bob Lion54 says: I updated earlier and it took forever.
[11/17/2008 11:24:15 PM] Jae Onasi says: I’m up to 32 of 49
[11/17/2008 11:24:31 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Wait, there’s another part after that.
[11/17/2008 11:24:42 PM] Jae Onasi says: Man, I updated the client the other day!!
[11/17/2008 11:24:45 PM] Bob Lion54 says: And it will take a while.
[11/17/2008 11:25:14 PM] Jae Onasi says: But I will make a (wo)man warden and do the starter instance with you happily
[11/17/2008 11:25:30 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Well, the files we just put in place, but not implemented. Now it has to go through all the files and make the changes.
[11/17/2008 11:25:36 PM] Jae Onasi says: If it updates before midnight, otherwise I can’t do much since I have to work tomorrow, sadly
[11/17/2008 11:26:16 PM] Bob Lion54 says: lol, I watched episode 3 while mine was updating earlier.
[11/17/2008 11:26:33 PM] Bob Lion54 says: And yea, ALL of episode 3, so…
[11/17/2008 11:27:16 PM] Jae Onasi says: I’m screwed then. 😀

Episode 3, of course, refers to Star Wars, in case you have not achieved geekdom as Bob and I have. I, of course, have to give him an update on the update every few minutes.

[11/17/2008 11:45:30 PM] Jae Onasi says: Now it’s examing game data again.
[11/17/2008 11:45:41 PM] Jae Onasi says: Holy crap, that’s a big update.
[11/17/2008 11:45:45 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Yea
[11/17/2008 11:45:46 PM] Bob Lion54 says: 15000
[11/17/2008 11:47:27 PM] Bob Lion54 says: I told ya, I watched Episode 3 while it did it’s thing,
[11/17/2008 11:47:52 PM] Bob Lion54 says: It finished during the Ani/Obi-wan fight.
[11/17/2008 11:48:51 PM] Jae Onasi says: Ooh–1% done!!
[11/17/2008 11:50:02 PM] Another Trusty Friend says: not far from 100%
[11/17/2008 11:51:55 PM] Jae Onasi says: Yeah, that’s kinda how I felt when birthing. “Oh you’re 1cm dilated” Great. 9 more hellish cm to go.
[11/17/2008 11:53:45 PM] Bob Lion54 says: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
[11/17/2008 11:53:52 PM] Bob Lion54 says: Log in, DAMNIT!
[12:00:42 AM] Jae Onasi says: I’m up to 8% Bob!! Making progress!!
[12:00:52 AM] Bob Lion54 says: (chuckle)
[12:09:13 AM] Jae Onasi says: 13%!
[12:09:31 AM] Bob Lion54 says: Almost there!
[12:09:38 AM] Bob Lion54 says: Stay on target!
[12:09:39 AM] Jae Onasi says: Hehe

Well, I happened to notice Trusty Sith Lady Darth333 (trust me, she really is a Sith, being a lawyer in Real Life) had a new link in her signature. This link was to an article on Wired called “Complainers of the World Unite” I had to share that one with fellow Trusty Skypers, and we had to compare notes with who filled what role on Lucasforums, among other sites.

We laughed at this one because there are a couple people on Lucasforums who match this description:

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The Eternal Quitter

Just comes on the forum to let everyone know he’s quitting for good and to spend a dozen paragraphs explaining why. Then does it again three months later.

Sample Quote: “For real, this time.”

Punishment: Forced to actually quit.

We wish they’d quit.

I’ve been guilty of this one:

The Magical Realist

Doesn’t understand what a “game” is. Constantly makes arguments based on what would be “realistic,” even if the game is set in a fantasy world run by wizards and pixies.

Sample Quote: “You can’t tell me a Mondlagarian Tiger Warrior is stronger than a Swamp Troll. That just doesn’t make sense!”

Punishment: Sent back to kindergarten for remedial make-believe classes.

Anyone who’s played D and D with me any length of time has heard me rant about how absolutely butt-stupid attacks of opportunity are. “Yes!! The Hated Level 3 Enemy Orc has stepped inside a 5 foot radius of me!! I shall swing my sword at him, taking my eyes and attention completely off the Level 500 Demon God with whom I am engaged in a Desperate Struggle for The Fate of the Universe, because the Stupid Orc has allowed me an Attack of Opportunity!!” How idiotic is that?

Yes, D and D is a fantasy world run by wizards and pixies. I don’t care, Attacks of Opportunity are still butt-stupid. We house-ruled them out of my game. Of course, considering that all my online players were so new to the game that they *cough*Trusty Friend Emperor Devon*cough* didn’t know what Initiative even was, AoO just confused the bejeezers out of everyone. No one would ever do an AoO in real sword fighting. Trust me, I fence a little bit, I know it’s true. Guess I must have failed kindergarten make-believe the first time around.

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One-Issue Poster

Only has one complaint, but posts about it 15 times a day. This is because nobody else cares.

Sample Quote: “THE LAVENDER STARBELT IS ACTUALLY PERIWINKLE!!!! WHY DON’T THEY FIX THIS??!!!?!”

Punishment: Lavender Starbelt changed to lilac.

Oh, how I know these people all too well!! They’re the ones who start the “Who would win: Kirk or Revan?” Never mind the fact that one’s from Star Trek and the other’s from Star Wars, and Never the ‘twain Universes Shall Meet. This does not deter these posters in any way. In fact, they get ungodly detailed in their arguments: “Lucas coughed on the way to the bathroom, so that means that the writers _had_ to put a cough into Star Wars as Canon” followed by the equally stellar argument “Well, that means Cold-Eze tablets must be Canon, because he uses those. You don’t see Cold-Eze in any of the Star Wars media, do you? Of course not.” It’s usually at this point that some flame-war erupts with much argument over whether something is Canon A, B, or C, as if it is Holy Writ Upon Which We Must Base Star Wars Worship. It’s also usually at this point that I feel compelled to trot out the piece I wrote called “Statement on the New Six Degrees of Canon“:

“We, at WookieWikiWarrickWicketpedia, wish to clear up the confusion of ‘Canon’ in Star Wars by instituting a new classification system on how to rank the different Star Wars and Star Wars EU materials. This will replace the Canon-a, b, c and g system (along with other letters and symbols), which was becoming just too confusing, resulting in many emails from forum administrators and moderators who were ‘having to deal with too damn many threads on arguments over Canon’.

1st degree Canon shall be The Movies. Radio adaptations, so long as they include voices from the Original Actors (and Actresses) shall also be 1st degree Canon. The Screenplays are also 1st degree Canon, but only if George Lucas put a ‘GL’ on every page. The official soundtracks are 1st degree Canon, because John Williams has included the use of both the bassoon and the triangle in his music, and quite possibly the krummhorn. Anything spoken by George Lucas is first degree Canon, including those more mundane statements like ‘I want to order a pizza’ and ‘I have to find the nearest restroom.’

2nd degree Canon shall include those radio adaptations that deviate from the script slightly but still maintain the ‘True Spirit’ of the movies. Those radio adaptations that include the voices of Harrison Ford or Liam Neeson shall automatically be changed to 1st degree Canon, because their voices are really sexy. Those adaptations that include excess amounts of Jar-Jar Binks or Ewok cuteness shall automatically be reduced to 6th degree Canon or less.

3rd degree Canon shall include any books that George Lucas decides shall be 3rd degree, which is pretty much everything else not in the 1st and 2nd degrees. It’s his world—if he wants to say a book is 1st degree or 6th degree, we shall bow to his greater wisdom. The exception are the Vong books, which shall be reduced to 6th degree or the 9th circle of Dante’s Inferno, whichever comes last. All Star Wars games are 3rd degree Canon. The Knights of the Old Republic games, because they are Really Righteous, are 2nd degree Canon. We hereby declare all permutations of Revan and Exile to be Canon, because trying to pick just one is really p!$$ing off the fans. The Star Wars Lego games would be 4th degree Canon because of the ‘cutesy factor’, except for the fact that my son really likes the games, so they stay at 3rd degree.

4th degree Canon includes any comic books. Graphic novels remain at 3rd degree because ‘graphic novel’ sounds more cool than ‘comic book.’ The exception is the Knights of the Old Republic comic book series, which is destined to become a Graphic Novel when bound together, and because they’ve drawn Zayne Carrick really cute. It’s at least 3rd degree, and we might even make that series 2nd degree if sales continue to be good.

5th degree Canon includes all fan-fiction, unless they are “Really Good,” which, by our definition, is anything with over 1,000 views on LucasForums or over 15 thumbs-ups on kotorfanmedia. If they’re “Really Good”, then they can, at the option of the administrators, moderators, machievelli, or the author, move to 4th degree. The exception is if the spam-per-view ratio approaches 1:82, in which case the fanfic shall be declared ‘spammy’ and the fic drops to 6th degree. Action figures are 5th degree Canon, unless they involve Yoda, Han Solo, or Luke Skywalker. These are 1st degree Canon because I like them and because Frank Oz rules.

6th degree Canon includes any speculative posts on any forums. It also includes any non-speculative posts, comments, jokes, pictures, and other written, visual, or aural media. Anything else not already specified shall be 6th degree Canon, unless the author finds something she really likes, in which case the Degree of Canon may be altered accordingly. Forum posts that are written by administrators or moderators shall be whatever Degree of Canon they desire, because the author feels the need to suck up, unless George Lucas declares otherwise, because his 1st degree is more equal than everyone else’s 1st degree.

We hope this clears up any confusion about Canon. If you have any further questions, please send an email to our help center at ‘we won’t answer it anyway.idiocy’. We will do our best to make sure that the answer to your questions are answered with as much obfuscation as possible, preferably by someone who does not even speak your language.

Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.”

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This, of course, reminded me of an exchange I had with a certain Sephira in this thread (starting around post 49-ish or so for context), and proceeded to become an argument about Canon (despite him failing utterly to recognize irony even if it bit him in the butt). I nearly fell off my chair laughing when he, absolutely and completely seriously, said “Tell me the events of lego star wars actually took place in the actual star wars universe”. Tommycat summed it up perfectly in post 57: “Jae, I’m not sure, should I send the sense of humor via PM or is it something that must be mailed to a person via snail mail(signed in triplicate by Lucasarts and George Lucas).” I think the author of that Wired article must have met Sephira on his forum, too. Probably in a thread called “Who would win? Darth Revan or Bill Gates?” Of course, as we all know, anything in the Star Wars universe pwns Real Life, despite the fact that without Gates there would be no computer to play Kotor on, and thus no Revan. Silly me for noticing something like that….

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Off to the Mines of Moria!!

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