I was on IRC yesterday, one of the Star Wars gaming ones of course. There were discussions of Pearl and Diamond Pokemon that day (which I am assured by my Trusty IRC Friends is supposed to be spelled ‘Pokeymans’). They were talking about the combos that will pwn others, how to make them have eggs, and the fact that at some point during their life-cycle, you have to take them to a daycare. I should do really well with that part of the game when we finally get a Nintendo DS, because I have almost 10 years’ experience taking things to a daycare. I am a daycare pro, and I’m psyched that there’s finally a kid’s game that includes something a Geeky Mom can totally relate to. Of course, it’s not my son’s birthday yet, which means I haven’t yet bought him the Nintendo, which also means I haven’t had the chance to ‘fully test it out for my children’s safety’.
Anyway, in the middle of that discussion, Trusty Friend StarWarsPhreak mentioned something about electronics packaging. This reminded me of the cigarette adapter charger I had bought for my iPod in case I should be traveling somewhere long enough to exhaust 6 hours of battery life. With gas prices being so insanely high, that’s not going to happen any time soon, but I deemed a cigarette adapter charger A Necessary Item, so I bought one along with the iPod. I finally tried to open the package a couple days ago, and discovered it was ‘Hermetically Sealed for Eternity for My Protection’.
In the Mists of Time ™, electronics came in nice cardboard boxes with easy-to-open flaps, which meant you could get into the package quickly to get your item out and enjoy it. This changed awhile back because the Evil Packagers decided it’d be fun to see Real People like me try to open their creation. I think they sit in the back room of their company thinking up ways to torture us.
Evil Packager 1: “Hey, if we make the packaging out of 3 inch thick rigid plastic, people with arthritis will never be able to get it open! Bwa-ha-ha!!!”
Evil Packager 2: “Even better–let’s make the edges really sharp when we blow-torch the package together. That way Real People will slice themselves trying to open it!! That’ll show them that they shouldn’t try to get inside the package!!”
You could use the edge of these packages as razors in a pinch. Obviously the packagers have missed the point that it’s the thing inside the package that’s important, not the package itself.
Even my kids had trouble getting the package open, which is saying quite a lot. We all know that the way to get just about anything open, such as nuclear containment devices, is to hand it to a child, and it’ll be open in approximately .000054 seconds.
I had to conduct major surgery on the package before I could finally get it open.
(son hands me scissors and I cut the packaging, trying to make sure I don’t cut something important)
(son hands me pliers, which I use to try to pry open the packaging)
Me: “Pipe wrench!”
Son: Mom! Don’t smash it!”
(I put down the pipe wrench)
Me: “Spiderman bandaid!”
Son (looking at me like I’m crazy): “Mom, iPod chargers don’t need bandaids.”
Me: “Not for the charger, for me! I cut myself on the edge of this stupid package!”
We finally succeeded in our quest to Remove the Item from The Package, and charger is now sitting in my glove compartment where it’ll get ignored until the oil companies finally decide that we’ve achieved bloodless turnip status and lower gas prices.